Over 40 Years With Fibromyalgia

After living with Fibromyalgia for over 40 years and enduring pain, lack of knowledge and support by all the doctors I saw, I have finally achieved a quality of life that is highly productive...

When And Why Did My Fibromyalgia Start...

We are all told that the source of Fibromyalgia is unknown but that the most possible cause is physical or emotional trauma.

My story started very early in life, in fact, in my mother's womb.

I have known all my life that my mother never loved me or liked me and, even though she always has denied it, our relationship has always been toxic or caustic. One day when I was in my forties I attempted to get the truth from her. Finally, after many prior confrontations without result, she exploded and told (or rather barked at me), "OK, Anyes, you really want to know the truth?" To which I replied, "Yes, Mother, I REALLY want to know the truth."

She replied, "Well, I don't know if this thing 'that a fetus in the womb can feel anything physical or emotional' is 'bullshit' or not. But when I was pregnant with you, I tried to abort you seven times, and I did not succeed. So there you have it!"

Would you know, I felt relieved, because all of my life I knew deep down that I was unwanted, unloved, a burden, and she continued to try and 'abort' everything I undertook in life. It was the first validation of what I had felt and known all my life. But her treatment of me was always so insidious that I could never quite put my finger on what was wrong...

So, This is my theory...

I was born with a very tense , tight body, already athletic looking. I figure that, after trying to avoid all of her attempts at aborting me... I must have been a very busy and scared little fetus, trying desperately to avoid the hits I was subjected to and I came out like a little jock. I was literally born a survivor! But at what cost to me and the rest of my life.

Even in childhood I remember early symptoms, like being unable to sleep, having lots of cramps, restless leg syndrome, boiling extremities - to the point that I had to have a bucket of cold water next to my bed so I could dip my hands and feet in it for relief. Also I remember the pervasive sensation of NEVER feeling safe anywhere; not at school, and certainly not at home. This ongoing situation made me very anxious and depressed, not surprisingly. And I was a withdrawn child full of complexes of inferiority.