Teen Years And On...

This situation was a daily thing throughout my teen years as well as my young adulthood. At 22 I developed, by accident, a serious eating disorder (Anorexia & bulimia nervosa). Nobody in the medical field knew of it at the time and although I sought treatment, there was nothing around, no support groups or therapists who treated this disorder. So, I started researching and the first book I came acrosss was "The Golden Cage" which was such a revelation and a relief because you always think you are the only one who does it and you are a " bad person", and I fit the profile to a "T" except for having parents who were overachievers which was not the case because my father abandoned my sister and me when I was two years old. As for my mother she was, at best, very neglectful and made me feel like I was somewhat retarded. So she did not expect me to do well in anything except in sports which I was a natural at. However the emphasis in French schools was strictly academic. I NEVER trusted that I had any intelligence and forced myself to learn everything by heart. You can imagine the amount of work and time it encompassed. The never ending feeling that I was inadequate and stupid.

IQ Test "See, I Am Smart After All!"

Ironically years later while in the US and under therapy, I had to take an IQ test, which terrified me because I was always so anxious about failing tests in general, which I did several times, let alone an IQ test! but I braced myself and went for it. Guess what? I got a score of 143! I felt like taking that piece of paper and shout out to the world:" See, I am smart after all!
To give you an example of my anxiety about any test, I remember having to go for an emission test for my car. I was remarried living in the US and feeling a lot more secure generally speaking, but I was trembling as a leaf, almost having a panic attack for which I had to take medication before I went for the test! Can you imagine such fear for a routine car emission test! I passed with flying colors by the way and thanked my car effusively.

Anyway I kept reading away books on my disorder and lots of books on psychology which opened my eyes and my mind to all the different therapeutic methods. I sure did drop the Freudian approach, Yuck! for someone who had strong issues with trust, it was the worst type of therapy I endured.

Don't give up on me yet, I will get to the Fibromyalgia part soon. To be continued...

I would greatly appreciate feedback if anyone is interested.